A Valentine's Day Story of love letters: How do you know if he's the one?

Today is the feast of Saint Valentine, who, according to Wikipedia, was a martyr who was imprisoned for officiating weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry, and for ministering for Christians who were persecuted under the Roman Empire.

Aside from LOVE as a common denominator in those aforementioned events, I don't know how such event morphed into a day of a dozen red roses, a box of chocolates and Hallmark cards.

But aren't you glad someone invented the modern version of Valentine's Day?

Love, what is it really?

How do you really know that he/she is the one?

Once in a while, a stranger, a family member or a friend would comment that my love story is an inspiration. People in our neighborhood would comment that they admire seeing me and my husband walk hand in hand almost every single day.

Do I have all the answers? Far from it, but every day I wake next to my husband, I say a prayer of gratitude and guidance.

DESTINY. I'm not sure if I can express it in words, but being with my husband fits perfectly in my heart. We were best friends brought together by destiny. The more we spent time together, the more it felt like we were meant to be together.

SHARED INTERESTS. Life is full of challenges. Can you imagine experiencing life's joys and challenges with someone who doesn't share the same passion as you do? When you share basic goals and dreams, growing together becomes easier, and a more beautiful experience.

COMPLEMENTARY PERSONALITIES. My husband and I used have different personalities, however, we also have share common values and beliefs.

At the end of the day, when you're ready for bed and you close your eyes, and when you feel like a day isn't complete without him/her, then maybe that's a sign that he/she is the one.

Let me share you one of our love letters 11 years ago:

The love letters (emails) were excerpts from the book, "Out of Status"

03/29/06 8:17am

Subject: I love you

I am in such an emotional "depressed" state this very second.

I'm tired – in every aspect of my being....

and I'm totally NOT really having fun right now...NOT for me anyway.

Good thing I have tremendous love for you and the kids...Otherwise...

I really don't see why I should even wake up. 

All I do is attend to everyone's needs...drive, cook, clean, drive, cook, clean, 

drive, cook, clean...and worry at the same time. 

It seems like I'm always taking care of everyone.

I shouldn't be complaining because we have a lifestyle that most people would 

love to have...but the past few weeks, I'm just totally exhausted.

I love you and sorry if I have to tell you this. 

The sad part is that I don't have anybody else to turn to.

xoxo

   03/29/06 10:49 am
   Honey,

I feel so bad that you're sad.  When I'm feeling worn out and the rationale

for my daily grind is not clear, I return to one basic idea I invested in 11 years ago.

My happiness and daily motivation is grounded in the success of our relationship.

That comes first. When I get frustrated with work, commuting, money shortages, etc.,

I remind myself of that. If something is interfering with my emotional energy toward our

relationship, I eventually remind myself which comes first ... the "thing" or the relationship.

 And clearly, it's the relationship that comes first. Sometimes I wait longer than I should

to remind myself of this, but it always works.

That's why I get angry when I see the emotional energy you've invested in selling

your brother’s house, dealing with the deportation, and some other tasks. As important

as those things are, our relationship must come first. That's not a selfish thing to say.

To function effectively, we each must feel good about the most important relationship

in our lives and derive happiness from the thought of it. The drive-cook-clean tasks are

annoying you now because they're familiar, and they seem to get in the way of the other

 things you're handling. But these tasks are critical to our daily lives, as is my going to

work each day, the kids going to school. You don't do them for everyone else, you do

them for US, which is the most important thing.

I believe you have been placing too much emotional energy into other responsibilities

without considering whether you'll have the emotional reserve left over for the most

 important things (i.e. us). The only value of our "me" time is that it enables us to better

enjoy the "us" time. It's not a replacement for the "us" time. There have been some days

 over the last couple of weeks when you've been unusually happy. I believe those days

reflect times when you've stepped away from the emotional weight of your daily

responsibilities, and just executed the necessary actions on autopilot. So, although you

worked as hard as ever on those days, you weren't worn out emotionally by the end of the day.

Last Thursday was a good example. After learning that the closing was cancelled, and after

freaking out, you seemed to accept that there are things out of your control that you cannot

will into being. As a result, you separated yourself emotionally from the task, although

you're still handling it.  

We can certainly put our heads together to involve you in activities that will bring some

 new excitement into your day. But that will not bring you happiness. Those new activities

may likely become other annoying things that feel like they're in the way of happiness.

Happiness is internal and flows from priorities and perceptions. It's not external.

That's why rich, attractive, successful people are also miserable. 

I hope these thoughts help a little. Also, if you want, we can spend some quiet time talking

through these things. 

Love you too.


About yesterday : Hubby and I did our daily StarBucks walk (2 miles) . Later that afternoon, we went for a 3 mile run ( I was only able to run 2 1/2 miles), ate home cooked meal (baked BBQ salmon and broccoli), watched the movie "Arrival" and ended the night with champagne, latte and home made dessert (vanilla ice cream, blue berries and chocolate)